"Go be young. Go be free. Follow your heart where it leads you and don't end up like me."

When I was walking around after the big storms last week, I found a bird's nest in the middle of the road. It didn't have any eggs in it or around it. It was just sitting there. Now I thought to myself, this was a bird's home for it's family. The wind blew it to the middle of a busy street where it would surely be crushed by passing cars. There was no way the little bird could come back, pick up it's home and carry it back to where it once was. So I picked it up. I didn't want to let such beauty be crushed by passing vehicles. It's on my desk now and I think I'm going to take it home this week to my mother... I have a feeling of all people, she will appreciate it most.

Fiske has become party central for FURSCA. My house! This is insane. Never A. have i lived by myself, B. hosted my own party, or C. had parties in my place of residence. It's kinda a weird, crazy feeling. I mean it was a Tuesday night and Mike, Stephanie and I decided to host a party in the basement of Fiske. On a TUESDAY! We played beer pong on our perfectly placed ping pong table in the basement. So many people came and so many people were just hangin out and having a kick ass time. And the best part of it was, I could go upstairs to my room at times and make phone calls, I could go chill out on my front porch, and when it was all over, all I had to do was walk up some stairs and I was in my own bedroom. The party was a wild hit and everyone keeps asking us when the next one will be. The next night, my next door neighbors threw a party in their room and word spread even faster to even more people. And it was just the coolest thing.. I mean Stephanie and I didn't even GO to the party, but people stopped in all night to say hello and just the relazed atmosphere of it all... FURSCA is fabulous. And as Steph said last night as we told funny stories in bed til 2am, "FURSCA is amazing. Anyone who doesn't take advantage of this must be insane."

One of my favorite people came up to visit Tuesday night which was part of the reason why we scheduled the party... Miss Stephanie Mann, my dear dear friend came up to see Andy and all of us. It was so good to have her here. She's been like the missing link of all of this. I have so many people here I adore, but she was one of those faces that has been missing since day 1 of the summer. She brought me chocolate with a purple ribbon and a beautiful smiling face :) I miss her dearly and can't wait for her to come back in a few weeks.

Life's been rough on some people lately... Including me. I mean, life is grand most of the time but we all have our days, moments, weeks. Sometimes things just go wrong, don't work out how you had hoped. Sometimes things seem pretty damn bleak and depressing. Just hold on if you feel like letting go. Hold on, it gets better than you know. "No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn."

I'm going home tomorrow for Memorial Day weekend. I'm actually really excited. I miss home and my family very much and I'm thinking maybe getting this ankle checked out might be a good idea. It's still swollen and the bruising has gotten worse and spread to my toes!! meh, it doesn't hurt so i almost don't care, but everyone else seems to. And when it comes to matters of my health, I need to start listening to other people more and quit thinking I'm invicible.... Because I learned a long time ago that I am not. And niether are the people I love.

So holding out here til tomorrow, just enjoying the sunshine that finally appeared and the company of friends. Lookin forward to a weekend full of movie and tv marathons with Kath and Paul, hanging out at the Temple (because I'm Jewish alla sudden :p), lots of adventures with Alex and the rest o' the crew, knocking back cups of tea with Anna, hopefully going to DEMF (if my ankle heals itself), snuggling up with my mommy, and seeing Cranbrook beneath some stars and lanternlight.

Some firefly thoughts...

Ever just felt like crap?
Ever wanted the whole world to just leave you alone?
Ever cry.. when it doesn't even hurt?
Ever just want someone... to hold you?

my brother, a Marine Corps pilot... turns 30 today. in the middle of a desert, with no one he loves around him and nothing really to celebrate with. but he still insists he's happy. makes you think, doesn't it?

I went running one of the first nights I was back up at Albion. The sun was just setting after a gloomy day so I wasn't expecting too much by way of seeing beauty. Albion surprised me though, like it often does. I past by some of the houses on Hannah street. They were lit up to greet the night and on a front porch was a child in the arms of her father. They were just sitting, watching the night draw closer. She pointed and giggled at a butterfly in the garden and then at me as I ran by. I crossed the bridge over the river and a great blue heron took to flight. The river was still and calm and the heron was silhouetted by the blueish purple sky behind it. Fireflies dances around me as I ran through the park, captivated by the pink clouds lit up by the sunset. The smell of wildflowers was thick in the air as the darkness took hold and I ran home. As much as we complain, it can be quite beautiful around here. Just think if this town could be the way it was in the past when more people lived here, businesses thrived and the big victorian houses were taken care of with pride. I'd like to see the way Albion used to be then.

I am finally reading a book I received in January and promised the giver I'd read. It's really hard to read; not because of the content, it's really an enjoyable and thought provoking book.. it's because of the giver. How far we've come since January. The way we don't talk now. How much I miss the way we were. But no matter what, I'm still glad I have it and that I'm finally reading it. Maybe it will all finally make sense.

I miss riding. I had planned on calling Lora this week and setting up some times with Parker to go to the barn and see my babies. I really miss them all. Phantom, Pete, Knight.. I miss feeling that way. I miss just getting on a horse and riding, watching the sunset, feeling free.. It finally became like second nature to me. Now it seems my ankle will be keeping me from getting out there at least for a week or two. *sigh* Soon though, as soon as I can shake this, I'll be back there...

While I'm loving my life here and the way things are going, I've been neglecting some important people lately. Reminds me of high school, when I would put anyone and everyone on hold to partake in the activities I loved. I promised I'd never let that happen again, but it has. Like every few months I fall back into old habits and have to drag myself out again. If I've been neglecting you, just tell me. Be blunt. I'm working on it, really.

Have you had a moment that has left you completely breathless lately? That happened to me just recently and I was caught totally by surprise. And loved it. I hope you've had one of those.

"It's all fun and games til someone loses an eye. Then it's just funny."
Well, kiddies, my usual active, independent lifestyle has been put on hold for a few days it seems. In the midst of an impromptu ultimate frisbee game on the quad last evening, I jumped and landed on the pavement instead of the grass and sprained my ankle. Now, I told everyone to keep playing. It was nothing, I thought, juat an ankle roll, I'd be fine. Then Aud came over looked down and was like, "Whoah!" My ankle ballooned up instantly and before I knew it, the game stopped completely, I was sitting under a tree, and everyone was sitting around me. I kept laughing and saying I was fine, but looking at my ankle, I didn't look fine at all. The pain actually kicked in about 15 minutes later. Campus safety flew in on their bike, haha. Oh, Albion. And they wrote up the incident report which cracked me up. I even commented that I figured the first time I'd be reported to campus safety would be for being drunk and naked somewhere. Ha. :P Jordan got the opportunity to actually drive on the quad and pick me up. Andy and Jor carried me up the steps of Fiske and I had people calling me, waiting on me, taking care of me for the rest of the night... It was really insane and made me feel ultra uncomfortable. But at the same time it made me realize that I'm really loved and cared for here. And that's such an amazing feeling. Even Stephanie was runnign around getting me ice all night, making me hot dogs and having heart-to-hearts with me as I was confined to the futon. She and I bonded last night I feel and giggled about boyfriends, crushes, summer, school, life. It was really turned out to be a nice nice day. When I told my mom, laughed about it and said that I was glad I at least got one last workout in that morning, she scolded me. I love my mommy. She goes into overprotective mode whenever I get hurt or sick. She even offered to drive out here today and take me to the doctors. *shakes head* I hope to God that I am anything close to the mother she is someday.

A special thanks to all those who helped me out yesterday and today. Those people that love me unconditionally and would drop everything to carry me up some steps. :) And get me ace bandages and popsicles from the pausch. I love you all dearly. And I'm so lucky to have your help and kindness. I only hope I get to repay it all someday.

So since then, I've just been... well, indisposed? bored? thinking a lot? I don't know, this kinda stuff throws you into some crazy moods, especially in the middle of summer. Because i can't really make it out to the theater yet, Margaret dropped off stuff for me to do and said we'd meet again Wednesday. So now I'm kinda confined to the room... Which is really weird. And my mind's been racing for lack of things to do. I mean, there's so much I could do, I'm just not in the mood for it all yet. I could write, draw, cross-stitch, keep on researching. *sigh* just all sounds so.. dull? meh.

"Cow... (moo) Another cow."
"Actually I think that was the same one." - Twister

I don't think I'll ever forget the image of Audrey cowering behind Andy's shoulder in the back seat of Alexis' car as we parked in a lot in Marshall as the tornado sirens sounded. Andy and I were screaming like we were on a roller coaster and having a great time while Alexis sang loudly to the music in the car and pretended she wasn't in the middle of a tornado. It was insanity. We made our way to our destination of Denny's eventually and curled up in a cozy booth with our hot coffee and breakfast food. It's so nice having moments like that in the middle of a storm in the middle of the summer.

It was really good to see Alexis again as well. A reminder of all the folks that graduated. It feels like they haven't even left yet... I got to lie in Alexis' lap as Andy made chili later that day and she played with my hair. She quietly handed me a key. I looked at her questioningly. "To the costume shop," she said with a sly smile, "Kim Shannon willed it to me. And now I'm willing it to you." Wow. It's on it's own special key ring on my set of keys. :) Right next to the bottle opener I got from Amy (which has already proven very useful).

We lost power for a few hours on Friday and I couldn't get over how dark Fiske can be. Everyone was lacking supplies and I laughed at the girls taking showers with flashlights and candles because they were so bored. :p We even had a tornado party on Friday night. We played monopoly, scattergories and just enjoy some loud, good, candlelit fun together. I had to duck out early because my allergies were acting up. I forgot how wonderful sleep is. You forget those things when you're in college. :)

Saturday I had the pleasant surprise of a visit from Jason. We relaxed, talked, caught up. He assured me that my forgetfulness was really okay and I bought him dinner as a late b-day celebration. Steve and Sarah showed up at about 7pm from Ann Arbor and we all ran over to Andy's to catch the basketball game. Only to find out our cable was officially cut. So alas, no game. Steve tuned into his cell phone for scores and we watched Best in Show and Sexy Beast together. It was nice spending time with Wingo. What a great girl. She fits in so well with all of us. I'm so glad she chose to come to Albion. I came back home at around midnight and partook in some lovely phone conversations on my front porch swing til about 1:30am. I tiptoed in my room (my room mate had returned from pittsburgh) and climbed up into bed. Gosh, I love how laid back summers are here. It's really amazing. Good for the soul.

Speaking of the soul, woke up early and went to church for the first time since easter with Stephanie. It makes it feel like a sign or something that we're rooming together. Maybe God's saying, "Hey Karen, go to church, maybe you need some faith in your life." And I actually enjoyed church... I really did. And a lady came and sat beside us. She told me how beautiful my voice was and her kindhearted manner reminded me so much of my mom, I actually missed her achingly. I gave the woman a hug at the end of mass and she smiled sweetly as if I made her day... That was a really nice way to start my week.

Went running the midst of a tornado watch, read a huge heap of articles and now that the sun has reappeared, I'm about to hit up the quad for a little ultimate frisbee with all the FURSCA folks. As long as that damn new tree in the middle doesn't get in the way. The week ahead will undoubtedly fly by and I'll be home for Memorial Day and all sorts of craziness :)

I forget everything.

I'm a terrible person.

I never remember anything important.


Happy Birthday, Jason. I know I'm inexcusably late. I can't thank you enough for the millions of things you've done for me since we met. You taught me what it meant to relax, let life float by for a little while. You helped me not to be so consumed in my everyday activities and focus more on the important things in life... the people in it. People like you. You let me call your bluff hundreds of times and you proved me wrong each time. I'll never forget stealing Dave's car and going to outback on a whim just because I said I wanted a steak. That sound I can never get right *skiiiirt* Bananas on socks. The way you've never given up on me. Your love of rap that I will never understand. The way my favorite song by APC sounds blaring out of your speakers. Lazy sunny days on the quad, you reading and me watching that darn cow poop. :)
...Our tears. Your smile, pricless. Your eyes, change each day according to your mood. Your humor and spirit take hold of whomever you meet, even in your shy quiet way. The way you love your sister, the closeness you have to your family. You are a stellar person. Someone I look up to and admire very very much. Happy Birthday, J. And I'm sorry for once again proving your constant faith in me wrong.

"What am I to do with all this silence?"
Well. Ha.

Last night was a hoot! I mean, I would maybe even debate Albion over the summer is better than Albion during the year. I mean, it would be a tight race is all. :P Yesterday I had a day full of work, so I figured I deserved my break. I went running only to have it rain on me and have my knee start killing me (old track injury, it does that when it storms). I met up with Sarah at the gym and worked out hard core for about 45 minutes. Now my sister made mention in her last post that she thinks she might be getting addicted to the gym as you would any other substance. I think I am too. I mean.. I work out everyday now. Maybe it's because I finally have motivation, maybe it's because I have time in excess, maybe I'm just bored. I don't know. But it's become a part of my daily routine and I actually really like it.

So Sarah and I kicked it for about an hour and went over to Jordan's fondu party (p.s. we picked wild flowers along the way! how cool is that!!!). Now, I never knew what fondu was or what was going on, but Jor went out on a whim last night and bought a fondu pot. He and Amy made chocolate fondu with all sorts of fruits and cake and his apartment was full to the brim with really fun people. We ate fondu, laughed as we dripped it all over ourselves, watched the pistons, sweated in the steamy kitchen.. It was insanely fun. :)

After fondu I took a nice shower and got into a change of clothes. I talked breifly on the phone with Alex, just catching up on this and that and wandered over to Burns to take in the rest of the game. The pistons tore it up and I had a great time with Andy, Mike, and Jason watching the game. After it was over we stopped by Amy's to see what was shakin. They were all taking in some board games. It seemed that Andy, Mike, Jason and I weren't really up for that so we said our adieus and wandered over to Fiske for some more tv and silly fun. It stormed like crazy and we sat on the front porch with a few labatt's and just.. watched it. Andy and Mike argued about something and I just watched the night sky. It was gorgeous. The rest of the night faded into fun and silliness. It was a great time indeed. We were being awfully loud for a thursday night, so I'm hoping the neighbors don't hate me or Huff. I'm sure they don't, I mean, it's summer. That's what this is all about! I just hope Huff was able to get up for work this morning. We rocked it til the wee hours last night. Oh and... I said hello to our gutter today, guys! :D

So today I woke up, stretched, realized I didn't have to be into work. I just have to start sifting through this mountain o' crap Margaret left me to read and watch this weekend. Geez, it'll be a busy one. But I'm sure there will be some fun times in the midst of it all.

"I'm just trying to find my way the best way I know how."
I just realized my last post was at 11:11 am. That's pretty sweet. Reminds me of Kurt and our 11:11 wishing. Make a wish everyone, even if it's not 11:11 at the moment you read this. :)

I remember Cranbrook...
Every aspect of it that makes it feel like home to me. So many of my best adolescent moments relate to that place. I made friends with people from other countries there. My first boyfriend went there and his sister with red hair who's friendship I'll always cerish. I went to school for a day there and felt like I had been missing something going anywhere else. I went to Cranbrook Theatre School for an entire summer and learned the ins and outs of campus, enough that I could go back now and still know exactly how to get to my favorite spots. I went to Homecoming and Prom there. Although Prom I didn't exactly make it to, because of a car accident on the way there. But it looks like I might get another chance. The way it looks in the summer, the chill of the sidewalks in the winter. The gardens, fountains and statues that seem to stare at you when you pass. The science and art museums. Childhood secrets, the planetarium, climbing the stegasaurus.. hiding behind paintings in the middle of a weekday afternoon. Dark curly hair. A stolen kiss in the Japanese gardens and the smell of lilac in full bloom. Beautiful starry nights with the sound of that fountain in front of Zeus and the pine trees that engulfed me and seemed to clutch the night sky. Lake Jonah. Photographs. The Greek Theater. The feeling of acting there. The desire to act there each time I go, but can never remember a single line from a play I've been in to recite... That's how much being there disables and enables me all at once. Do you have a place that does that to you? I hope so...

"I just want a cozy fling that ends in jewelry." - Aud

It's a gorgeous day in Albion and I'm sitting at my computer in my new residence, Fiske 104 finally updating the bloggity blog. Holy geez, it's been like half a month! Not that I have that many fans who like to read every aspect of my life here, but if you're one of them (or if you're bored as hell with work - KATH!!!), I apologize for the delay in new details and insights. But I'm back in good ol' Albion, settled in for the summer for FURSCA research and to be completely honest... I have so much spare time right now, it's rediculous. :)

The end of the semester wrapped up really nicely. I pulled out with some great grades adn surprisingly survived all the finals, takehomes, papers, papers disguised as takehomes and the other end of the year stresses. The theater history exam was probably the hardest I've taken in my entire life. We had a study session the night before as well as right before the exam. We were collectively freaking out about the "know everything" suggestion we got from our professor earlier in the week. We walked into the windowless classroom like we were going to our execution. We held each others hands and it's like what they say, that people who go through trauma together inevitably becom closer. ha! Not that this was really trauma. I mean, I guess the test itself wasn't that bad. No I take that back. It blew. Meagan started crying 10 minutes into the exam, Jake was almost hyperventilating when he wrote the wrong essay and had to start all over, and Minjoe just gave up like 1 hour into it... Lets just say when we got out of that exam, we all crammed into Alexis' car and booked it to Felpausch for supplies. It was 5pm and we all just got.. sloshed. Ahh, college. We cried some more, laughed even harder and watched Disney movies. The night was full of silliness. And we even caught the attention of non theater historians. Steph came by and her, Minjoe and I shared a moment... *sly smile and avoids eye contact* It was a great night and one that goes down in the record books for sure. We were finally done.

Papers got turned in on time (even if it was like 15 seconds before they were due) and my presentations came off beautifully despite lack of sleep and preparation. Somehow it all comes together and you look back and wonder why the hell you were ever so worried in the first place.

Senior week was memorable and relaxing. All of us were done and just hanging out. Chad and I went out to Jackson for dinner and a movie.. a farwell of sorts. Our answers to our regrets thus far from college were really interesting. I surprised myself with my answers and I'm kinda glad no one but Chad heard them. I also shared moments with my other seniors before the end. It's so sad to see all of them go, but most of them are definitely ready for a new chapter. And I completely understand that.

There was one moment of the week that really stood out. I was at Chad's Thursday night and we were having a theater related shin dig. It was loud, dancing was occuring and smiles were everywhere. Campus Safety came and told us to shut up and we all sat out in the back of Burns on the sidewalk and grass. We paired off and curled up in blankets and watched the storm pass right before our eyes. The full moon peaked out behind the huge, dark storm clouds. The lightning was gorgeous and the train even passed quietly in the dark.. It was insanely beautiful. With some of my nearest and dearest witnessing nature's beauty. Like a dream, I loved it. Later that night I ran into Kyle hiding from campus safety in a tree and I played in the rain storm at 5am. A beautiful night in Albion, indeed.

I packed up all my things and floated home. Paul and Kath had a great time yelling at me about all the crap I own and had to bring home. They both came to help me drag it all back. There really was a lot. I was even surprised. I put Paul into hysterics when I got stuck between the dolly i was pushing and the wall. :P Somehow I got it all home.

Home was a comfort, really nice. I finally got to unpack and breathe a moment. And sleep. Holy geez, sleep. The week I spent at home literally flew by. Kath's birthday (I love you soo much!), Mother's Day breakfast when I made coffee from the coffeehouse for my mom for the first time, Due South episodes, Felicity, my dog. It all kinda passed in a blur. I mean, I love being home. And it's weird because I don't feel like a stranger or visitor there, but I don't feel like I live there anymore. I mean, I live here. Albion. This is where I live. I mean, I'm here right now in the middle of summer. What the hell is up with that?

My sister and I got to spend some quality time together in the week I was back which was really nice. We worked out at the gym and even went on yet another Canada trip. Paul, Ching, Kath and I took on Windsor and spent some great times in Patty O's and sang some kareoke at Crazy Horse. It was nice to be with all of them again. Before I knew it, Kath was graduating, we were at her grad party, Anna came over and we hung out (haven't seen her in ages, miss her like whoah) and then I stayed up til 4am packing. I returned to Albion this past Monday, got milkshakes with momma in some podunk town on the way and drove through a tornado. My mom was so excited, she felt like she was in twister and I could tell she was really happy she was with me.

I moved into my new room, in this great gorgeous house with a beautiful front porch. There's a porch swing, high ceilings, beaureaus, and a really creepy cool basement with huge stone walls where the kitchen is. Since I moved in, things here have been really laid back and relaxed. My new room mate, Stephanie is a lovely person. She's researching Biology this summer and spends 9 to 5 days in the lab. She's really fun to hang out with and we went shopping together for the first time last night. It's weird, this is the first time I've been completely on my own for everything, even food. This a coed house with no RD or RA and that in itself is crazy. I already missed the first margarita party, lol. And we're planning barbeques and other fun activities as a house.

My research is coming along well already and it's nice to see how flexible Margaret, my prof is about everything. Like today, she just gave me a stack of stuff to read and do and said she wouldn't be in to meet with me, so I should just do it all and meet with her tomorrow. *shakes head* So I slept in. And now I'm blogging. And then I'm working out, eating and then reading/doing everything she left me. It's really a sweet deal, especially getting paid for it all. And the research I'm doing is going to be sweet and actually really interesting. Gender Roles in the media, I can't wait.

I've already spent some quality time with the people who are here for the summer. Stephanie and I were sitting on the front porch on Monday night saying, "What the hell did we get ourselves into?" We were so bored! Andy IMed me and told us to come over and have lemon bars. We wandered over to Burns and then I knew.. This is summer IS going to kick ass. We shared lemon bars and watched Keeping the Faith. I got to get to know Sarah, Audrey's room mate and a friend of mine from choir a little better an it was really great to see Andy and Aud again. Jordan and Amy were soon pounding on the window and came in and crammed on the couch to join us. It was so fun! They all met Stephanie and loved her. Last night I went over to Andy's and had toast and coffee with them. Audrey talked about the "cozy fling" she desired and Sarah and I both agreed, cozy or hot, we wanted one. We watched Conan and I told them the story that goes behind my Firefly nickname. And their reactions... priceless. :) It's this stuff I love. The lazy stuff. The fact we're in Albion with some of our closest friends, it's summer and warm out, we have very little work to worry about, we're getting paid and we're on our own.. literally. I mean, this is pretty damn sweet! :)

I breezed the idea past Margaret and my mom... And I'm going to New York. Probably over my birthday, which is insane. I might be turning 20 in the city I've never been but always have had dreams about... And I'll be hanging out with with some great people and spending a weekend in the Hamptons... Yes, you read correct, A WEEKEND IN THE F*CKING HAMPTONS! Holy shit! That's just insane. *shakes head* This summer is going to kick ass. Have I said that already? :D

So that pretty much gets us up to date. Whew! *wipes brow* I'll be posting more often and the posts will be shorter. Promise. :) Hope everyone's summer is treating them well and if you're ever in Albion or are looking for a silly good time some weekend, give me a shout! :)

"...And you can have this heart to break."