Never shall I fly again... without the thought of you.
Now *living* in the middle.

Maybe when I'm done with thinking
Maybe you can think me whole
Maybe when I'm done with endings
This can begin...
I'm done with endings. Can this begin?

could you hear me loud and clear?
in sight and out of mind.
cautiously avoiding the cracks
not to disturb,
your steadied arm's straight line.
the facts before a climb,
the plan before a crime.
tired in the days that passed away
sporadically arranged across the floor
when you got it made. 

Real friends...
~Often know you better than you know yourself.
~Tell you when you've screwed up, but let you make the same mistake again if that's what you need to learn.
~Give you sound advice even when you don't want to hear it... or are silent when you need to figure it out without their help.
~Let their experience be your teacher as well as theirs.
~Carry you kicking and screaming across campus because you need to be put to bed lest you put yourself in danger.
~Understand you and your choices.
~Let you hit them... and turn the other cheek no matter how much it hurts.
~Let you take care of them when they've had too much to drink and as a result begin to cry about how life is truly unfair... Deep down you agree with them, even if you haven't had a drop to drink.
~Tell you that even though their first impression of you was that you were a pretentious model, sorority-bound, and indy poser here to hit on your indy friends... They love you. And they realize that you are exactly what they've always wanted to be. That you are the breaking of the norm. That you are an individual of the best kind. And they love you even more knowing that was the person they expected to find... Knowing that they were wrong.
~Listen to your music you blare with your door open. Even if they hate it. And they come in and say, "Wow... Someone's angsty today."
~Teach you things about yourself you never knew.
~Feel lost without you as their room mate.
~Take care of you when you throw up. Hold your hand, hold your hair and somehow still say you're beautiful.
~Surprise you.
~Let you be alone. And know when you really shouldn't be alone. Then they find you even if you thought you found the best hiding place... They still know exactly where you are.
~Go out of their way to let you know they're thinking of you. Bring you bubbles... because they are a "happy thing" just like you are.
~Tell you over and over that no, you are *not* fat. And you look great in black.
~Embrace your individuality and give you things that remind you of the person you are that you've shoved in the closet. This includes anything from that punk emo stage you went through in high school. The part of you that you never quite let go of completely.
~Make you a kick ass mix cd for your birthday. Or for no reason at all.
~Go driving with you at 3 am just because you can't stand the walls closing in around you.
~Let you shift their BMW for them and simply smile and help you when you forget which gear to fall into next.
~Took you away when you needed to be taken away.
~Forced you to stay when you wanted to run away.
~Are family to you when yours can't be there.. or when you no longer have them.
~Watch Sex and the City and Felicity with you all day, giggling, snuggling with stuffed animals and throwing in their two cents about men and their downfalls... and positive traits.
~Marvel at your strength. Even when you feel your weakest.
~Sing with you really loud and off key when you're putting off that 15 page paper you should be writing.
~Call you out of the blue when you thought they had forgotten about you.
~Drive 45 minutes (or more) at midnight to hang out with you for a couple hours and drive 45 minutes home in the dead of night.
~Forgive you. Over and over.
~Aren't afraid to say how sorry they are.
~Gladly shoot evil glances at the latest person who broke your heart.
~Would do absolutely anything to see you smile.
~Understand why you're passionate about the things you are. And listen to you talk about them for hours, even if they just pretend to be interested after the first 10 minutes. :)
~Meet you on your porch at 3am in their pajamas because something fell apart in your hands... and they swear when they normally don't, because really, what the fuck?!?!
~Help you get ready for a date. And talk to you on your cell in the bathroom when the guy you're out with is *so* cute.
~Meet you halfway... just for a hug.
~Get a shirt signed by your favorite band and let you Irish dance on their coffee table until it breaks.
~Talk to you on the phone for hours. Every night.
~Call you when they think of you.. in a movie, at a store or a concert. Tell you simply you're in their thoughts. Even if it is between the lines... :)
~Steal a sign for you and tell you it was elves who did it and left it on your doorstep in the middle of July.
~Tell you it's okay to cry, let you cry in their arms... And tell you it's okay not to cry and to deal with it when you're ready.
~Cry to you. When they can't cry to anyone else.
~Are actually happy for you when something good happens in your life. *Truly* happy as if it were their own triumph.
~Are at your plays.. front and center.
~Draw in the Smithsonian with you and fix your computer when you're computer illiterate (which is always).
~Are actually bordering on giddiness when you come to see them.. even if they just saw you yesterday.
~Assure you that someday your dreams will come true. And someday your prince *will* come... Even though you don't need him to be happy. :-p
~Like it when you act silly and make an ass of yourself. And usually join in the fun.
~Tell you that people that treat you like shit are fuckers. Period.
~Would gladly kick someone's ass for you. And tell all their friends to help him/her out.
~Are optimistic when you need to find hope and as pissed off with the world as you are when you need to wallow for a little.
~Tell you it's okay to have another beer because they're there.. and they won't leave you.
~Worry.
~Are scared when you are. When you're in danger, they won't rest until you're safe.
~Understand when you get busy, support all the activities you immerse yourself in knowing that you'll always come home.. and that you have not forgotten them.
~Are honest with you when you ask them to be, but don't tell you what choices to make.
~Hold your hand and cry with you.
~Believe in you. Really have unabashed faith in you, your potential, and your originality.
~Love you... real friends love you. And always will no matter what distance, time or even if mortality separates you... Real friends will always love you.

Thank you for being my friend. :)

What if one second, one choice, one step determined a whole lifetime ahead?
A question that's been philisophically floating around in my head these past few days. It's rather amusing the way that silly questions and thoughts like that take shape in the head of those who are past feeling, past all sense because of the events of late.
Jason sent me an article about some research that has been done that people in angry or depressed moods are more likely to report an event with accuracy than those feeling very placid emotions. I found that bit of research really interesting. So nexttime you're in a shitty mood, just think to yourself.. you're experiencing life to the very fullest and you'll be able to report the shittiest of events with even more accuracy than your optimistic counterparts. I heart being emo.
I'm back at Albion. Oh, did I mention that? I've left the blogger for a few weeks here, sorry. I forget what I've said and not said. So, yes. Back at school. And classes have begun. They are actually going very well. Each has its own life to it and inspires me in different ways. The only "boring" class may be spanish. But it's been fun because of my seniors from the coffeehouse that are in it with me. Ah-Eh-Ie-Oh-OOO and you're a cow too. haha. My comm classes kick ass though. Really cool and it's nice to have my past experience with Margaret, because she teaches both of them.
Living in the coffeehouse. Finally. Painted. Got to know my housemates for a whole week before classes began. All girls. For the first time in 8 years. And we understand each other. Know when to pry and when to leave each other the fuck alone. We are all shockingly different and that's actually pretty amazing. Our dynamics are interesting and according to others, fun to watch. I have a feeling this is going to be an amazing year. And this place is now my home. And I could hardly love anything more.
I lost a dear friend a week ago… But have gained countless since then. I don’t want to go into it and if you love me you probably know the whole story already anyways so no need to expand on something that will just make me sad.. I’ve started to let it go. Just like Bryan… just like bry. A year ago. *sigh* Life screws you over sometimes I’ve come to notice. And I’m sorta past the point of feeling. Know how that is?
My mom realized after overstepping her parental bounds that I am handling things without her and dad now. I’m really growing up. And I have plans of my own just waiting to be executed and while I still need their care and guidance, I can do it all on my own. A liberating and strengthening realization.
The first week of school has been stressful to say the least with everything else floating around in my head. I realized that not-so-nice people come in all shapes and sizes and they sadly catch you by shameful surprise. You think people can be rational, take a step back, but then say “it’s cool, it’s cool” and back out of a door… what on earth just happened there?
I ran in the rain yesterday with two of my housemates. The rain soaked through every piece of clothing I wore and the feeling was indescribable. I felt like a child again, playing in puddles, screaming and laughing. It was life as it should be. Even if everyone said that was my defining “hippie” moment of the year.
Been missing rooming with A, but enjoying life in a single bedroom in a house like this. Plus I’ve been sort of stalking Alisha anyway. We’re back to the way we were, clinging to one another through life’s good times and tough turns. It’s nice to have a best friend. Yes indeed it is.
I auditioned and made the show: The Country Wife. My first time working with Royal as a director. I feel really good about the show, the cast and the part I was lucky enough to land.. Lady Fidget. Corsets, long gowns, white wigs, fans, scarfs and a plethora of sexual innuendo… here I come. This is going to be awesome. Haha.

Good News: Ronnie will be landing at his base in California this Wednesday, Sept 1st! He is traveling from Kuwait to Germany and then nonstop to Cali. He is very excited to be almost back home in the US, but you know Marines... "It's never true til he's in your arms." So please, continue to keep him in your prayers. Thanks everyone.

There are a million other things to report, but I think I’ve had enough for one post, haven’t you? I’ll be updating more often now, promise.

A Montana Explaination for those who actually care (my sister put it so well so I quoted her)...
"Saturday afternoon (that would be 2 Sat. ago), Paul, Karen and I arrived a couple hours earlier than our flight... Paul and I hit up a bar, had a shot with a beer, while chatting it up with the lady bartender. The flight to Minneapolis was filled with laugher and us being louder than we probably should have been, but no one can beat out the babies, which seemed to be quite frequent on ALL our flights. Another flight later, we landed in Montana’s International Airport, consisting of about 8 gates, and 2 baggage claim carousels. Luckily, all our bags made it, in addition to the backpacking stove I wasn’t sure would make it. We enjoyed an interesting shuttle ride to our rental car, a Kia Amantie. Brian (the car rental guy), we joked between the three of us, probably ran both the shuttle service as well as the front desk. We set out for the Days Inn a few miles away, on “Truck Stop Road.” It was a unique place, and true to its street name. Right next door to the Days Inn, was a Casino complete with liquor, and next door to that was the open 24/7 365 days a year restaurant. The restaurant had a “Trucker’s Corner,” and the restaurant was connected to the shop that acted as cashier for the gas station on the corner. We had our first huckleberry shakes, served by a guy named “Moose.” That evening we packed our backpacks and hit the hay around 2300.
The following morning we were up at 0600, eating breakfast at the restaurant just a few doors away. We hit the road, and enjoyed the scenery and the 70 mph speed limit (ON TWO LANE ROADS!) up to Glacier National Park. Sunday morning was quiet in Glacier...Upon obtaining our permit and watching a backpacking video, we set off in our Kia on Going-to-the-Sun Road. We gradually climbed through the mountains, our faces increasing to jaw-dropping…literally. We stopped a few times for some photo ops, and we finally reached Gunsight Pass Trailhead, 40 miles in an hour and a half. After a couple of miles of hiking, we stopped for lunch on a bridge over a swift mountain river. Towards the end of the hike, we ascended, revealing great overlooks of the surrounding mountains. And they were truly mountains. As we neared camp, mist was gradually rolling in, and we practically bumped into a huge buck with massive antlers. Gunsight Lake was frigid – all three of us went under completely, but a great view. Freeze Dried dinner of Spaghetti and cheese was had and we enjoyed the rest of the evening as fog hid the mountains around the lake. A distant trail could be seen rising along the mountain side, off into the fog.
The following morning (Monday for all of those of you keeping track), I got up around 0630 to see the sun rise on the mountains. Some of the fog remained on the lake, but the sky was clear. Dennis, a 60+ year old man from Alberta, quietly packed up his things, him heading out of camp that morning and back to the real world. But for us, we were headed up a mountain over the Continental Divide, and back down to a glacial lake. A deer ate Karen’s shorts; I found out that out of 12 people in the Gunsight Lake Camp, 7 or so were from Michigan; packing up our stuff was a slow process, but it was done and we were on our way. Only a 5 mile day, many switchbacks and ascent made it feel more like 10 miles. We had to hop through waterfalls, and across and snow field, about 20 feet in length. Karen took a tumble on the field, the ice axe coming in handy. Paul and I took our time, and made it across without a mishap. We made it across, and I think all of us felt like we grew on that short 20 foot hike over some snow. We ate lunch on the Continental Divide, as gofers annoyed the hell out of us, who were huge, and tried to drag away the rainfly, the gofers thinking food was in the stuff sack storing the rainfly. Paul threw rocks at them, and even had to chase them away.The rest of the trail was going down, down to Lake Ellen Wilson, another glacial lake. The heights that day challenged me greatly, because it was one wrong step and you were falling off a cliff. Even just paying attention to the trail in front of you proved to be difficult because peripheral vision did see the distance down to the bottom of the cliff, and it somehow threw you off. However, the three of us made it in one piece to Lake Ellen Wilson, were we quickly threw our packs off and jumping into the chilly waters, but the 80 degree day made it worthwhile to jump in a few times, as Paul and Karen did. This lake was even more beautiful than Gunsight, I think. That was the best campsite.The late afternoon was spent jumping in the lake, laying in the sun, skipping stones, and just enjoying the weather and being outside.A great freeze-dried dinner and chocolate pudding on graham crackers was devoured that night, and we sat, calling loons and watching the sun disappear over the mountains, throwing colorful rays onto the faces of the mountains still enjoying the remaining light of day.
Tuesday, only a 3-mile day, incorporated some more uphill at the beginning of the day, and down hill to our camp. Before we knew it, we were at camp, quickly setting up the tent before rain hit. We walked down to the Sperry Chalet and ate lunch in the rain on a picnic table because we weren’t “CHHHAAALLLAAAATTTTT” people. We spent the afternoon in the tent while it rained, eating a lot of the food, and acting silly. Paul and I played 500 Rummy and built card houses. The rain broke, and the sun came out. Paul and I made a trip past the Chalet to filter water on a great, freezing cold river, about 0.5 miles away. It was a great area. On the way back up to Karen, who was sunning herself on our camp rocks, Paul and I stopped off at the $1 million dollar pit toilets. Wow, is all I can say. Paul liked it so much that he went BACK down later that night to use it again. I liked the open-air pit toilet at Lake Ellen Wilson, with a great view. Can’t top that sight. Jell-O and Raspberry Crumble were late night snacks that night, as if we hadn’t had enough sugar earlier in the day. We watched the sunset again that night over the mountains with our final destination (Lake MacDonald) in the distance.Wednesday, all down hill, but full of horse crap…those pussy “pretend” hikers. Got off the trail at about noon, doing 6 miles in about 4 hours.That ended the greatest part of the week, being in the middle of nowhere in a great, relaxing atmosphere.
Cliff notes of the rest of the trip:
- Drove on MANY dirt roads to get to Polebridge, a town in the middle of nowhere, which looked like a town right out of the Wild West. Hiked a few miles along Bowman Lake and jumped in that beautiful lake, as a storm rolled in.
- Went whitewater rafting (sort of) on one of Glacier’s rivers. It was a great way to see more of the park. - Went on a Gondola ride up to the top of “Big Mountain” during the sunset. Great view, and great colors.
- The hot tub at the condo was great, and rotating the beds was quite amusing.
- Barbequing almost every night, except for the night we went to “The Dire Wolf,” one of the local pubs just outside of Whitefish proper.
- Being in the company of Karen and Paul J :)"

Thanks Kath.. what a trip, can't wait for our next adventure next year.

Words could never describe it... Glacier National Park was literally heaven on earth.

"So a deer ate my shorts today.
And I fell down a mountain...
Productive day for Karen." - Quote from the backpacking video

Bite my lip and close my eyes, take me away to paradise...