"You've got a fast car. Is it fast enough to fly away?... I had a feeling I belonged. I had a feeling I could be someone."
In two days, I'm going to be on a plane headed west... To Montana. Montana. A dream of my sister's and mine since we started backpacking. A dream of our brother's too. Wish he could be with us. We're finally going. We're going to Glacier National Park. Backpacking for a week. Going to British Columbia, doing dayhikes, hanging out at a resort with an outdoor hot tub. This is going to be an amazing adventure... relaxing and envigorating, challenging and contimplative.

*sigh* here we go.

It's so weird how much I've traveled this summer. I've gone coast to coast in a period of three weeks. whoah. I'm doing exactly what I've dreamt of though, traveling, taking it all in. That's what life is all about, isn't it? Experiencing as much as you can and trying in vain to remember every second of it. It's these memories that will keep us company in our old age... "As long as you have some pictures to take with you."

I went to dinner and a movie with Alisha last night. We almost forgot how close we are, how much fun we have together. She never ceases to surprise me. She and I talked, comiserated, laughed at the guys in the booth behind us, went shopping at Lakeside and pretended we were loaded, then went to see the Notebook. Now I've read this book before. A year ago. It was one of my favorites. It reminded me of something I had experienced, moments I had held close and will always. The film followed the book well. Alisha cried through the whole thing (she's so wonderful) and I merely fought the tears at the very end. I was more shocked... reminded. Taken back to a seperate time and place. It sparked realizations, acceptance and fear. It was wonderful, lonely, sad. Great movie. Not for everyone, indeed. But a wonderful movie.

On the drive home I talked to Kurt the whole way. We were surprisingly just at the same theater and were now driving home in opposite directions. A weird feeling. We laughed at the coincidence, even though we didn't see each other and it was like old times again. We joked with each other and laughed hysterically, nearly getting into an accident. *shakes head and grins* dangerous huh? lol. I don't know what I'd do without that kid. To be honest, I don't know how I've gone this long without him or went through those month/year stints wondering how he was... All I know is I'm so glad he's back. And I'm not doing anything to f*ck up our friendship this time. I've learned my lesson. That's for damn sure. When you find a best friend, someone who understands you on levels no one else could fathom, you let that go, it's the worst mistake of your life. You let it go again and you're lost forever. If it keeps coming back, you're lucky. Damn lucky. And you'll finally realize it's something too important, life altering. You'll finally learn to hold on and never let go. That's the point I'm at right now. And I'm so glad, despite my past actions, I'm finally there. *breathes a huge sigh of relief*

I got home and my mom was watching Newlyweds. Way past her bedtime, haha. My mommy. Cracks me up, I love her.

I've kinda developed an obsession lately... Miles Davis. I can't stop listening to Kind of Blue. It's a permanence in my everyday life now, something I used to only like once in a while. Just this morning, I lied in bed with my dog and listened to Miles for an hour. It relaxed me, sparked thoughts and feelings in me. I have a feeling that's one cd that will be on my shift every week at the coffeehouse. I love it. I need to get some more soon.

Andy said he thinks Montana will be good for me. I need to sort some things out. He's right. These past few weeks have been full of shit; good and bad discoveries, readmittances, ends, beginnings... I need to log them all, take them all into account and figure out what to do with them. Alright, my boots and I are aching to get out on the trail again.. I can't wait :)

                  “Here’s to the nights we felt alive…”
The last week of fursca was literally the craziest, most fun collection of days, parties and people that I’ve experienced in a long long time.. if ever! I got back from New York early Monday morning, ready to be home. Albion was waiting for me like it always is. A humble host knowing it’s sons and daughters will always return grateful, happy to be back. I was ready for a week of hard work and even harder play. It was ‘liberal arts at PARTY!’ week.

It all started with my birthday party. I was excited. Never have I had a real, hardcore, invite all my friends birthday party. And finally, this was my chance. I had a whole house and the last week of research to herald my 20th. I threw together a haphazard list of people to send an invite email to and told them to tell all their friends and bring them along, too. This party, I wanted it to be one for the record books. Alisha had come up to Albion to visit me and Stephanie and what a great face to come home to. She was in my room as I walked in and I got to catch up with her all afternoon. Good golly I miss that girl. We went to Felpausch and the dollar store to get party supplies and started decorating the basement. Jason, Steph, Alisha and I had a great Italian dinner together while I ran around, pinning up balloons, signs and crepe paper. Needless to say, I was a little on edge. I was worried. I mean, what if only 5 people showed up? I had candles lit and refreshments ready. We were set. Stephanie took me out to ice cream for my birthday and the three girls anxiously awaited the night ahead. We dolled up together, got all dressed up and I forgot what it was like to have so many girls around to primp and get ready with. Soon people started showing up… Then more people. Then more. Jason gave me an assortment of hot topic splendors (including my delt sig family sweetheart sweatband). Andy came with both of our excuses for trouble *wink*. Miss Mann showed up with a purple rose in hand for me and Audrey came with a confetti cake (my favorite!). Zack showed up with a six pack and a mix cd. The cd was for me :). Everyone came with a smile, good spirits and birthday hugs and well wishes. Soon darkness enveloped the basement and “happy birthday” was sung at the top of everyone’s lungs.

The feeling… indescribable.
The only thing I can possibly say is that I love my friends. And I have the best group of friends any girl could wish for. And for that alone, I had the best 20th birthday ever.

Though not used for it’s intended purposes, the “make out couch” served as a great spot for photo ops and fo-make out laughter. Many incriminating photographs.. I hope no one who came to my party intends on going into politics, because they are screwed. Haha. There were so many people crammed into the house, I barely saw everyone (I got an IM the next day from Brett who said he didn’t see me, but that my party kicked ass). People were playing soccer in the upstairs hallway, there was a dance party in Dave’s room, my two room mates were hysterical, people from out of town drove in to be there, people I forgot to put on my the email list “crashed” the party and made my night, I got to put one of my room mate’s to bed and I got to spend some quality time with the other (my A) and my dearest Steph on the front porch til 5:45am, Frisbee was played on the quad at 1am and at 3, we all took a field trip… to the nature center. I almost lost my flip flop in the mud and was in way too good a mood to care. Everyone was having a blast and enjoying themselves… My party was a huge success. The next day I got IMs from a million people, “It was awesome!”, “I had the best time!”, “Best party of the summer, by far!” The feeling was really truly beyond compare.

Tuesday brought the Burns Apartment 1226 party. Before that, however, Zack, Sarah and Aud had a dinner party of their own at Briton. Zack grilled salmon perfectly and Sarah cooked up some culinary Italian masterpieces. The food was incredible and the company and laughter comforting and pleasant. After we all stuffed ourselves with the amazing delicacies, we crossed the street and played whiffel ball until the storm came. The fireflies were out and we were all just playing around, having a great time together. Those are the moments I know I will miss when I’m writing papers and too busy to think this coming year; the moments I know I could never forget. We all headed to Burns for some more tomfoolery. That night was nice. A lot more chill than my party. Seemed everyone had gone all out for me, Tuesday was kinda recovery day. There was a cool early 90s dance party in Andy’s apartment and Amy was teaching tango in Caroline’s apartment. Kinda cool to just relax a bit and “shoot the proverbial shit” as Steph says.

Andrew had surprised both Stephanie and I, so having him along for these get togethers was really a nice addition. I like him quite a bit, his sense of style, his compassion. Stephanie’s a lucky girl and he’s lucky to have her. They’re that kind of couple you are so happy to watch and be friends with. They are two amazing people that were lucky enough to end up together. Mmm, love. :)

Wednesday night brought the last ultimate frisbee game of the summer and Nick and Carrie’s end of fursca party in their apartment. Another laid back evening with pleasant conversation and their pet bunny Dylan (who really liked Ken. Liked enough to poop on.). It was good to see Nick again and spend time with him. It was also interesting to listen to records for a change and hear James go off about the color purple… not the movie. The color. It’s richness, meant for royalty. That deep purple that’s so dark and mysterious it engulfs you. His description even sent Nick running for his notebook to jot it all down.

News on Thursday morning hit like a ton of bricks. But instead of letting the shit not only hit the fan but go flying out the window and kill an old lady on the way down (thanks for that analogy, Jason), I dusted myself off, took a deep, exhausted breath and walked down to the theater… And talked to Margaret. After some denial, some admittance and some tears I felt better. Still like shit, but better. My paper was done, though so at least I didn’t have that to worry about. *sigh*

Thursday night was such a great way to end the summer. I passed out accidently, exhausted from the days events. Woke up and went swimming with everyone at 8pm. Dan and I had a brilliant idea. Get all the food together and cook it. Get a big group together and eat it. It turned into a huge party at Dan’s place. Food up the wazoo. And *great* food. Dan’s an amazing cook (and an amazing guy, so glad I got to meet him and get to know him this summer). He made salmon pasta and chicken stir fry. Kapil treated us all to his mom’s Indian food and we all passed around a left over ice cream carton in the middle of the 5 courses to “cleanse the palate.” We were laughing, listening to music, telling stories, recalling the summers events and just having a phenomenal time. At 12 or so, Stephanie and I went to pick up the boys from the bar. We didn’t expect four. But lo and behold, crammed into the backseat came Jason, Andy, Mike and Zack. With Zack lying across them all and his feet hanging out the window. Man, I’m going to miss this summer, it sure was impressive. That night I cried on the quad… hard. And had tea with Jason in the basement. My day Friday was relaxing as everyone moved out and Friday evening I enjoyed a nice dinner and the company of a new friend. Saturday I packed up, stopped by Leslie to catch up with my Samulaks, then home…

It was, hands down, no question… the best summer of my life. Thanks to all who made it possible and were a part of it, even in the smallest way. I’ll never forget you or the moments we shared.

And thanks for the most kick ass birthday party a girl could ask for…

The main culprit at the best birthday party ever... while no one really used it persay, it definitely caused a stir. stay tuned for more details on this, other buffoonery and debauchery from the "best party of the summer" FURSCA style. 

I wanted to give some highlights about my New York adventure. I’d dictate my entire journal from that week to all of you but I think that would be a little excessive (my 5 day trip was 30 pages of my journal long!). So, here are some quotes and experiences from New York. It was quite a shattering and exciting experience. That city has an energy, a life that can’t be equaled anywhere else on earth. It was an unforgettable journey and here are some moments (some inspiring and some just plain funny) that stuck out:

New York City, July 13-18, 2004
“The morning I left I was really jittery, nervous. My feet kept tapping and I made two eggs for breakfast in a violent frenzy… It was a place I’d always dreamt of; 5 days of New York being in my possession. Or more appropriately of me being in the possession of it.”
“A man who barely spoke English popped on the intercom and said that my first flight (of many that day) was cancelled because of air traffic control problems and to get in line for a rebooking. At first I found this amusing, exciting even. I stood in ling behing a man from Long Island who was getting wearing info from his cell phone and swearing at the Northwest staff in his thick accent. A boy behind me, in an MSU sweatshirt laughed with me about the ridiculousness of it all.”
“I stared blankly at muted CNN. I had been in the airport for 8 hours. With nothing to do. I couldn’t focus enough to do work. I wasn’t nervous about New York anymore, the taxi ride, the city, nothing. I was unbelievably calm now. And annoyed. Everytime I talked to my friends in New York waiting on me, I wanted to deck someone… After even more delays, I finally got on the plane. Window seat that didn’t matter because the weather was shitty… After being suspended in a cloud for 40 minutes trying to land, I saw it. My city through the dark mist.”
“… I felt like I was in a movie as I crossed the bridge in my first taxi ride into the city. The buildings were bigger that I had ever imagined… I dropped off my bags at night #1’s apartment and headed toward the subway station on the corner of Lafayette and Canal, the center of Chinatown. I bought my $21 subway pass that would be my best friend for the next few days. I swiped the card and listened to Alex haphazardly explain how the hell the subways worked. He rattled off a bunch of letters, street names and other useless terms and I knew I was in for an adventure doing this all alone for the days to come…”
“…I marveled at the darkness, the reality, the squealing cars. The subway is quite a crazy experience. It’s like being in a dream or something. The darkness swirls around you, the trains seem to race and when they go in different directions, it s like being in some twisted nightmare merry-go-round… I loved it. It made me feel frightened, intrigued, alive.”
“We got off at Times Square. I stepped off the subway steps onto the sidewalk and just about died… Wow. This was New York at night…. The lights shined brightly and taxis heralded their presence with horns. And I was right in the middle of it, jaw dropped to the floor trying to take it all in.”
“Down each street was a theater with a show’s marquee emblazoned across it. This was it. Broadway. My dreams set to life. All the lights, glamour, people.”
“New York is definitely for the senses… The smell of a barbeque chicken, the Italian aroma of a tiny bistro in Soho, a small hint of cologne on a passing business man, the stench of the subway, the smell of fresh ground coffee in a little café you pass your way to work in the morning.. The smells here are amazing.”
“…And New York itself kept me awake. Bright lights outside the blinds and the sounds of traffic that never ebbed. That was probably one of the most intense and unforgettable sounds I’ve ever heard.. On the top of the Empire State.. that hum, that rush of trafficand city noise; faint, almost peaceful like a continuous crashing wave… electrifying and lulling all at once.”
“The Metropolitan Museum of Art. I felt like an NYU art student as I scaled the giant steps in my business suit and pinned up French braids. I saw the most beautiful art I’ve ever witnessed and my heart pounded with delight… I got to see Pablo Picasso’s moods and Georgia O’Keefe up close. And the best was definitely stumbled on last.. I got to look Vincent Van Gogh in the eyes, face to face. Cypresses struck a million chords in me and I ached for Kurt to be there to see it. Monet cascaded before me in waterlillies, sunflowers and castles in the mist… To see his strokes, his thoughts, the colors; more vibrant than any text book or reproduction could do it justice.”
“… For the first time I felt like a real New Yorker. I was gutsily crossing streets before the signal, I was swearing back at taxis that honked at me, I pushed back hard when I was pushed by the crowd. I fell easily into the flow as if I was made for the city.
“I was sitting across the street from Central Park when it dawned on me. As much as I loved it all and I could do it, there was something about this city and all its people that made it feel.. incredibly lonely. It was the strangest sensation. Everyone was going somewhere, on a phone to someone. Eye contact was almost nonexistent and smiles were seldom. Everyone had an agenda, a stereotypical-ness about them.”
“I giggled as I passed the Mitzvah mobile blasting the ‘modern Jew’s greatest hits’ and got stopped by St. Pat’s by Greg, a man who was trying to sell me a spa package so he and his gay boyfriend Tito could go to Hawaii. Yeah, there was no questioning where I was. This was New York.”
“One of Ash’s coworkers, Ricky drove us home (and later to the Hamptons) in his 645 Ci BMW light blue convertible. Only one in the city. *rolls eyes* Hollly shit. Now that is the way to travel in NYC. Top down, at dusk or at night, taking in the lights all around you. The buildings towered above me and the loud, angry traffic was exhillerating.”
“I met this guy named Frank, one of Alex’s coworkers. A lucky millionaire who for some reason lived in a rent control apartment next to Bryant Park. No one had ever seen his apartment or know what he does outside of work. But he could recited to you the list of deaths on the Titanic and in a past life he was a raven (the bird, complete with a raven coo (?), chirp? Whatever). He is now a penguin and refers to his apartment as ‘the iceberg.’ But he was very pleasant, nonetheless. That seemed a trend here. While I’ve had my fill of ‘I’m going to kill you’ stares on the subway, everyone’s generally pleasant and helpful. Even if they really are murders… like Franky over here.”
“Haircut. Seemed a must in New York. You cut your hair. I took Sarah’s suggestion and went to Jean Louis David on 53rd. Not too short, but definitely different…”
“Ground Zero… My emotions were unstable and not many people would choose to spend their birthday that way. The void, the desolation; the eerie silence of the people walking by there, broken only by the sounds of the buildings that surrounded it being healed, patched and repaired.”
“We walked down Broadway passing theater after theater. I was giddy at heart. It was my birthday and I knew my friends had something up their sleeves. At a street corner, they handed me an envelope and whispered ‘happy birthday.’ Inside were tickets to see The Producers. Row L. I squealed with delight and could’ve died right there.. I was so excited… The curtain rose and the butterflies in my tummy remained through the entire show. I could’ve been up on that stage with the energy that was bursting forth from me all evening…”
“…Two men got on at Union Square. They sat on either side of me, quite on purpose. ‘Oh shit,’ I thought, ‘This is not good.’ I stare out the subway window, trying to ignore them. One was cute and plump. He smiled at me and his blue eyes shone. He said ‘Why ya frownin’? Bad day?’ Of course, at this I grinned. He said softly, 'That’s better.' His friend to my right went off about how he had gotten into a huge fight the night before and that he was just trying to make a living in this city, ‘ya know?’ he asked me. I decided, what the hell, I played along. ‘Yeah I do.’ I said. I claimed that I was a secretary at some New York business, the first I could think of and the three of us chatted pleasantly until they got off at Times Square. The louder one was a sky scraper window washer! Wow, I thought. I just met some people on the subway; what  a great story!”
“Central Park was as beautiful as Alisha said it would be. Even if there was a dirty old man peeing right next to the main walking trail. Ew.”
“Listened to a whole cd in the basement of Trump Tower in Tower Records. Note to self: buy Deathcab for Cutie cd when you get home.”
“… I saw a younger looking business man walking briskly by with a Tiffany’s bag in his hand looking slightly nervous and exasperated. Some girl in New York would be very happy that night.”
“On our way to the Hamptons (at 11pm), Ricky double parked his BMW on a sidestreet and we hit up Pyramido, a Mediterranean take out restaurant for dinner… I was certainly experiencing a lot of great food on this trip.”
“…So I’m on a bus headed for the airport right now to go home. It’s like these 5 days have lasted forever yet passed so quickly. I can’t believe how calm I am about the potentiality of me missing my flight (I’m stuck in traffic, trying to get out of the Hamptons). It’s also hard to believe that just this morning, I woke up at 6 am and went surfing at Montauk Point with Chris, a famous New York surfer in the dense fog. And we sat dripping on our surfboards afterward drinking hot coffee and just relaxing… Wow. I’m so damn lucky. This trip has taught me so much. What I want from my future, what the city is really like, what I want from relationships, how the other half lives and how I fit into all of that… or more how I don’t. And how that’s really okay. It’s been amazing, but I’m ready for home. For my family, my friends and my life without the noise. But maybe someday I’ll return for a longer stay and learn to call that city my own.”

I leave for New York tomorrow morning...

Holy hell. I'm going to pee my pants I'm so nervous and excited all at once.

I'm leaving some things behind and taking some things along. The past few days have been awfully telling of the person I've become and the person I dream to be...

Now I'm heading to New York, the city of my dreams. A place I've dreamt of living, being, acting, modeling in since I was a little girl. To spend time with some dear friends. And to celebrate two decades.. of being alive.

That's so strange to think about. Two decades of life. Have I made each one worthwhile?

Hope everyone has a fantastic week. My thoughts are with you here. And thanks to those who have already made my birthday so special. And I'll see you all on the 19th for one heck of a party :).

"The flower that blooms in the midst of adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all."

There once was a boy and a girl. They met as most boys and girls do, doing something they both loved at a time when adolescence was sure to tear at each one's heart. They fell deeply in love in a field of flowers beneath a pale pink sky as boys and girls do. They planned life together, trips, journeys, adventures. They clung to each other through the trying passage of youth into adulthood. They broke each other's heart a million times over as well as the hearts of others along the way. Periods of closeness and inseparability were followed by periods of silence, distance, and uncertainty. But through it all, they remained friends. Steadfast and true to an initial commitment made when they were so young... Best friends, they swore. Life, love, death, pain, heartache and even happiness would never get keep the boy and girl from that unbreakable friendship. Even through its darkest hour, when all was seemingly lost; a glimmer, a smile, a hope... This boy and girl will never be parted. Even if they try, even if distance, mortality, and mistakes fight against them to keep this boy and girl apart. This is something rare and beautiful. This is a friendship that will last forever. There is no doubt in my mind of that.

A quick little story...

So I woke up this morning to stephanie and andrew tip toeing into the room at about 11. I had slept in a lot longer than I anticipated, but it felt so nice to sleep. I sat up in bed for a moment and steph disappeared into the hall way. She re-entered with a huge horse crossing sign with a red bow on it.

Immediately I started giggling, super excited. At first I thought it was from Steph, but she said she almost tripped on it coming out of the door when she and Andrew woke up this morning. I hopped off of bed and took it into my hands. Almost immediately I had a huge feeling about who it was from. I opened the piece of paper that read KRG and in a very familiar left handed scrawl it read "Happy Birthday! Have a safe and wonderful time in New York!" I ran my fingers across the silhouette of the horse and to the back of the sign. There was something taped to it. Wrapped in cartoon newspaper print was a cd... A string tribute to A Perfect Circle. Someone knows me so well, I thought. Or some klepto elf stole me a sign in the middle of july... :)

Thank you... :)

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you'll know exactly what to do."

This past week has been full of news. Good and bad, but lots of it. *sigh* So many peoples lives are changing, turning upside down, or taking uncertain turns. So many people are hurting or going through life altering events. Makes you reel to think about it all..

I went back home last thursday evening. The FURSCA potluck after meeting was really pleasant. It was nice being around everyone, throw the Frisbee around and forget things for a little while. I was definitely ready to go home. I needed to go home. My mom picked me up and I didn’t get home until about 11pm. I was so exasperated, at my wits end, unbelievably upset, and could hardly fathom packing for the camping trip I was about to go on with my sister and her friends. I sat down at the table across from my mother who was reading her prayers and I just started crying. Hard. To be honest, I had cried the whole way home. I was just overwhelmed. You know those days when everything just hits you all at once. The walls close in and you are powerless to stop it… My mom just sat there, held my hand, and told me she thought it was good I was getting away. Little did she know the stupid drama the weekend would entail. I think my sister put it all very well. I had a nice time, I got to relax, get some sun and actually sit down and have a talk with my sister (we really needed that.. she’s been going through quite a bit lately), share a tent with the two fabulous people I’m going to Montana with in less than a month, tell ghost stories, ask philosophical questions, and sleep on the ground again. But it made me realize how completely self absorbed some people can be and oblivious to the way the world around them is falling apart; caught up in physical appearance and getting upset about the most trivial, stupid things. *rolls eyes* Some people. Makes you wonder what would happen to them if real life smacked them in the head sometime. Hm. That sure would be interesting to see. As Kath said, it’s like we needed a vacation from the vacation when it was all over.

On my trips into town, I would get cell service and check my voicemails. Alex was romping in Connecticut, Max and I continued with phone tag, Ashley was about to kill her co-workers and I got a call from Jill.. Now Jill and I were inseparable in high school. We helped each other through every trial of adolescence. I introduced her to my good friend Brandon and they fell in love. We got out of high school and like many high school friends, we sporadically kept in touch; catching each other here and there, updating each other, even seeing each other once in while. But this past year we haven’t talked at all. She left me a message over Christmas with no number to reach her at. She left another similar message; ya know the whole “we should hang out” no number message. But there was something she ended the conversation with.. Good news. She was the proud mother of a baby girl. And she said to call her back. With no number. Click. I was so shocked, the rest of the weekend I could hardly pull myself out of the funk all of the three days’ news had left me in.

I wrote Kurt another letter. Then decided not to send it again. I think I’ve officially experienced my downfalls, faults and screw ups exemplified… and to the point of no return with someone who I used to be so close to. And that is a really hard realization. That something you have done, decisions you've consciously made have hurt someone so badly that it seems sure you'll never be able to sit peacefully beside them again... Let it go, rosie posey, let it go. But I can't.. I just can't.

I got to see a long lost face on monday night. Ross. My longest relationship. 1 year in high school. We hardly talk anymore, but we grabbed some ice cream and caught up. It’s funny to see that we’re both having the exact same relationship problems. We’re both as afraid of commitment as ever. At one point I said to him laughing, “Did we really screw each other up that much that we now have the exact same problems getting close to people?” Ross laughed too, “K, I just think we tore each others heart out and realized that we needed to have our own freaking lives. And we have and look how happy we are now. I wouldn’t change a thing.” And neither would I. He and I are better off on our own for sure, but we learned a lot from each other. I asked his advice on my current boy situation and I forgot his terribly honest insight and how right he always is. I guess we’re all growing up. I can’t believe I’m a week away from 20…

Alisha and I got to catch up on the phone that night as well. We talked for about an hour or so and it was so nice to hear her voice again. I feel like we’ve lost each other. Not by choice, but by commitment, business, things beyond both of our control. I hope that once we get back to school that will change. She’s going through some really hard decisions right now and I wish that I could be there like I used to; hug her tightly when she cries and make her laugh when she thought she’d never be able to. Meh, I miss her a lot.

*shakes head* I need a vacation. Can’t wait to get away for a while. Soon, very soon.

I returned to Albion Tuesday. And as always happens when I return here, I felt a million times better, more in control, here it was *my* life and no one could keep me from it. And everyone was so happy to see me. My dear dear friends. Tuesday night we celebrated Zack’s 21st and it was quite a fabulous party. The perfect kind. New people to talk to, conversation flowed easily and everyone was in a happy mood. And Zack, dear Zack was completely wasted, but still coherent enough to tell us all he loved each of us and was so glad we celebrated his birthday with him. I can’t wait until my party… I hope it’s just like that. July 19th, please mark calendars and don’t miss it!

I went blackberry picking at the witching hour with Dan, Kapil and Stephanie last night. And I finally got to ride Kapil’s awesome mountain bike. Hell yeah, Albion. See what we do for fun? The blackberries were made into another pie this evening, can’t wait to share it!

My final FURSCA presentation was today. It went off without a hitch and the girls all in black kicked some serious ass. We also decided we needed to get t-shirts made that read “I heart hegemony.” I had a great talk with Margaret today, too. All about the summer, what I’ve learned, what I have left to do, what’s been bothering me. I never thought I could get close to a professor the way I have with her. She’s come to know me so well and I’m so glad I got to work with her this summer. And it’s comforting to think she’s there to help guide me to my future. It was my last meeting before New York.. Holy shit, New York. Wow…

Tonight brought Frisbee, fondue, and an insane amount of sleepyness… to which I think I’m going to fall victim to. Off to dream… What is it you’re dreaming of tonight?